You may have already figured it out, but help isn’t coming.
Help Wasn’t Coming
I was a few years into my career in 2014. The physical traits of a man had formed, yet I still hadn’t shaken all the little boys’ beliefs.
I’d been developing a project for work that would be a big win. Being young, and eager to make a mark in my career, the project’s potential was exciting. It seemed like something that should be willed into existence. But to get a major project approved, management would need to be convinced to share my vision too.
A well-known senior engineer could serve as a credible project sponsor and advocate; associating strong names with it might raise the project’s prospects with management and ease its path to approval. This seemed like the smart play—a way to ease the path to approvals in organizations.
Two senior engineers at the time could sponsor. I explained to them the cost assumptions, economics, contingencies and how it fit into our future growth plan. Of course they supported me and the proposal. But through the process, I was detecting something: that the vision, the details, the nuances—I couldn’t get others to grasp the project as well as I did.
Imagining my sponsors behind closed doors, unable to fluently respond to management’s follow-up questions and pushback on edge cases or intricacies gave me pause. Would the credible senior engineers have the passion & project fluency to not take no for an answer like I would? This second-level thinking gave me doubts about my strategy.
Years later, it started to resonate with me that no one cares more about your project than you do. It’d be like asking someone else to raise your kids and thinking they’d do as good a job as you. But at the time, this idea was still foreign to the little boy’s belief system.
My fork-in-the-road moment triggered a recalculation. A senior engineer’s help wasn’t foolproof. Yet if I took charge, my lesser status and organizational knowledge was a risk too. Increaseth agency and be an adult or stayeth the child?
Help Was Coming
Part of the life cycle is you depend on help early, then gradually become less dependent over time. At one time, help was always coming, whether it be from your parents, extended family, teacher or coaches. Receiving help was once the default. And so was being the child in a room full of adults.
We all start life as low agency, and rightfully so. And then eventually the help slows down and essentially goes away. It’s a transition that takes years instead of being any one moment. This was the nascent stage of my transition.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
After carefully considering myself as the project lead vs a senior engineer, I settled on the idea that I didn’t want to “lose” with someone else was in the game. I’d lead the charge. Help wasn’t coming, I was the help.
This mindset shift is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, taking on more responsibility reduced dependence, which I would find freeing. Yet more responsibility means more work, more accountability and possibly a stressful period of constantly overcoming. But this mindset shift is largely a blessing.
A Project with Two Masters Starves
I went on to set up the necessary meetings and spread the good word, utilizing sponsors where I could. I made sure to communicate my vision. It took several iterations of meetings to get management to come around, perhaps rightfully so. In the end, the project was approved and funded.
By being the front man for my ideas, it put me in the room where decisions would be made. I was able to chart, firsthand, uncharted territory (for me), which would later help me navigate the organization and its politics for subsequent pitches. These were all unintended favorable consequences of me leading the charge.
As a byproduct of my journey, I came to understand that nobody cares more about your project than you (in psychology this is called the endowment effect) no matter how good it looks. Some people struggle with this and are frustrated when others can’t see how good their baby is. I also eventually learned about the idea of high agency people, who I prefer to resemble.
Although the ultimate lesson for me was: Help wasn’t coming; I was the help.
Author’s Note:
Nathaniel Branden said this is one of the things he hangs up in his counseling rooms (“No one is coming to save me”.
“He who increaseth agency, increaseth sorrow”